Life: Anxiety Attacked

Just breathe - Note to self

Today something happened. I’m not sure exactly why it happened, but it did. I fought for hours and couldn’t overcome it today. I had an anxiety attack. That hasn’t happened in a couple of years. Having an anxiety attack is awful. It starts with feeling unsettled. Then goes to feeling excited, but it’s not a happy excited. A tense like you’re about to die or something horrible is about to happen. You don’t know whether to cry or throw up. Today, I wanted to do both.

I held it together until I got home from work. Reached out to a couple of friends to talk about anything, but what’s going on with me. All were busy with their families. So I called my dad and immediately burst into tears. He was very concerned because I do not call and start crying. He’s 80 years old and lost the love of his life, my stepmom, two years ago. He doesn’t need my issues. Today was different. I needed my dad. As I explained these feelings, I couldn’t shake. He listened and understood what I was feeling. He has gone through the same thing before. He told me that sometimes you just need to cry. It’s okay to cry. Let the feelings out and don’t hold them in. He said that he has cried many times. So I cried to my dad.

The crazy thing is that I actually have nothing to be anxious about. My kids are healthy. I am employed. My family is healthy. The last few months have been incredibly stressful. The main stress points have gone away. The work stress isn’t as great, my kids are done with school and I am back in my gym. What could possibly cause this today? No clue. Maybe waiting for the next ‘bad’ thing to happen. I hope not. The last couple of weeks have been so much better. My mindset is more positive. I have gotten back to moving my body daily. I have no idea why today was a struggle. I’ve been through so many things and I kept it together. Not today.

After talking with my dad for almost 2 hours, the feelings had subsided. Thank goodness! Maybe I just needed my dad today. It was one of the best conversations we’ve had in a while. I am so grateful that he was there for me when I needed him. He told me that he missed a lot of me growing up. My parents divorced when I was young and he worked a lot. My dad told me that no matter what that he is always there for me any time I need him. I am so glad I made that phone call today.