Life: Patience
Have patience with all things, but, first of all with yourself. - Saint Francis de Sales
The last couple of months have been a complete lesson in how little patience I actually possess. I used to think of myself as a kinda sorta patient person. It seemed like I could manage difficult situations. Not necessarily with the grace of an Olympic ice skater, but I could get through it. But, damn. It is like my capacity for holding in emotions, stress and anxiety has hit it's capacity. Every time something remotely challenging happens, I am almost brought to tears or have such an emotional response. So maybe this isn't about patience. It's definitely about something.
My motivation has been lacking for working out. I've trained for a flipping marathon before. Two, in fact!!! I get started then get sidetracked by life this time around seems to be a pattern. Tonight's run was brutal. It was incredibly slow. I think a turtle gave me a thumbs up when he passed me. Possibly a look of ‘you got this’. I know, I know! Starting over with my base is hard. Lord knows I've done it enough times to know it’s hard. Why is this time so much harder? Could be that little gem of patience that I have lost? Maybe it was an illusion that I had it when I never actually did. Have I been lying to myself? That's a reasonable possibility.
I do know that I am working towards a big goal of the Ironman Waco 70.3 in October. By chance you aren’t familiar with this particular race. It is comprised of a 1.2 miles swim, 56 miles bike ride and a 13.1 mile run. Yes, it must be completed on the same day within a set time frame. It's a big fat challenge that scares the holy hell out of me. My swimming sucks, my cycling about the same and my running is not stellar. Am I setting myself up for failure? No. I think this will be yet another lesson in patience and grace. Both are something that I am having trouble in giving myself. I give it freely to every person that passes by me. They don't even have to ask for it. Yet, the person I am with the most, I withhold this so easily. Maybe just maybe throughout the next six months of training, I can learn to be a bit kinder and more patient with myself.
