Love: Love

Mom, you are really easy to love. - Jake Hollas

A few weeks ago, my son out of the blue tells me ‘Mom, you are easy to love’. It was probably the most loving words I’ve ever been told. I think he knew I was distracted by a situation in my head. Those words immediately brought me to the present. They have stuck with me since he said them. Every few days they come back to me.

Love is something that should be given freely. Unfortunately, there are so many strings from some to be able to give or receive love. It should be unconditional. Growing up, it was given, but not nearly as freely as my children and I exchange it. Each morning as I drop them off at their schools, the last thing they both say is ‘I love you’ or ‘love you’. I always make sure that they receive a response back of the same. I love you.

Through the years, I have been very fortunate to have given love as well as to receive it. The one thing that I truly wish I had was completely unconditional love from my ‘person’. I received love during my marriage, but it didn’t last. Over the years, it faded and was eventually withdrawn. This does not make me bitter only sad. The hope was that it would last until one of us had taken our final breath. I know it is out there somewhere. I have seen it to be true.

My dad so loved my stepmom with every fiber of his being. He was with her until the moment she took her final breath. The voicemail that he left telling me that she was gone was one of the most painful things I have ever heard. You could literally hear the devastation and pain in his voice. They spent over 30 years together. Not all of the years were easy, but without a doubt there was love. He never left her side once when she was sick nor did she leave his side when he was sick. The love they shared was utterly beautiful.

That love that keeps a person there through the darkest and happiest days. Watching my brother and sister in law, the past 3 years battle a terrible disease, cancer. She fought with everything she had. In no way did she want to leave him or her six children and precious granddaughter. He held her hand to the very end. The words he spoke at her service were heart wrenching. Her service was the most beautiful I have ever witnessed. The love that was shown by each of her children was stunning. Without a doubt, each of my nieces and nephew knew they were loved by their mom.

I hope one day I get to experience the absolute life altering love that I know is out there. To have someone love all the imperfections that come with me is what I’ve longed for. The other side is to allow someone to see the imperfections. Not something I am terribly good at. My hope is to find love, patience and tolerance. One day when the time is right, love will arrive in all it’s beauty, struggles and lovely moments. Until then learning and growing are a priority.