Life - Single at the Holidays
Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations - Unknown
Being single at the holidays really isn't nearly as much fun as one would think. Yes, I get to have the final say when and where I go, but this year with everything that has gone on staying at home seemed the best option. Unfortunately, you can only watch so many movies and workout so much. Then the loneliness of the time of year sets in. I have done everything possible to combat the lonely feelings. I’ve decorated my tree, spent time with friends and spent what time I have with my kids. They are both teenagers and only to hang with their mom so much. It pretty much leaves just me. The dog doesn’t necessarily count here. I have done everything possible except to just feel the feelings. Feel the lonely and walk through it. Avoidance of feelings does not work. It just prolongs working through them and makes things much harder to move forward.
I went for a walk with tears streaming down my face. Avoiding everyone possible. Thank goodness most everyone was at home or at least not out walking. Being a grown woman walking around crying is not the most attractive look. However, it’s the holidays and it seems someone is usually in tears. Letting the feelings wash through me was needed. During my walk, I came across neighbors on another street that I haven’t met before. It was a beautiful family of 6. The dad was struggling to set up his tripod to take a family picture. I asked if they wanted me to take the picture for them. He excitedly said yes!! He happily handed over his iPhone and stood proudly along side his wife and four children. I snapped a few pictures for them. They all thanked me for taking their picture. The smallest daughter so sweetly said ‘you are so nice! Thank you!’. She may have been 5 years old. That was the big push of joy that I needed. It got be back to the place I needed to be. Going through my thought process of knowing what is a rational thought and what is just emotions was extremely helpful. I am, in fact, not alone. I have many, many people that love me. Lots that just like me. Does this mean I am emotionally falling apart? It absolutely does not. It means I had a moment that I had to acknowledge emotions and let go of. I feel so much lighter releasing those feelings.
Does this Thanksgiving look like I want it? Nope. It does not. It’s completely okay that it doesn’t. I can just about guarantee that next year’s Thanksgiving will be different and the year after that and so on. Moving forward out of the emotions of expectations that are not met is hard. It is certainly not impossible. Releasing those feelings that are unproductive and sometimes just mean is the best gift I can give myself.
Monday starts Ironman training. I have such big goals to accomplish next year. Starting with my mind in the right place is key. I am definitely in that right place!
